


i watched it begin again

by vanessamary



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Feminine Harry, M/M, Past Abuse, but it's a very small mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-02
Updated: 2014-11-02
Packaged: 2018-02-23 15:08:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2552039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vanessamary/pseuds/vanessamary
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Would you, maybe - canyoubraidmyhair?” He mumbles out, chin digging into his chest as he looks down between them and digs his fingers in the soft cotton of Louis’ singlet. Louis laughs and tips Harry’s face up so he can look at him, bright eyes sharp as he scans Harry’s face - for what, he doesn’t know - before leaning in and pressing a kiss to his lips.</p><p>Or the one where Harry wants his hair braided and it reveals more than it should.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i watched it begin again

 

**// i watched it begin again //**   


 

“Lou, did you ever braid the girls’ hair?”

There’s frost on the window and snow falling softly outside but Harry doesn’t mind as he snuggles back against Louis’ chest, last night’s _X-Factor_ playing on the telly. Louis is running his fingers through Harry’s hair, murmuring about how long it’s gotten and it makes Harry smile.

They were supposed to go out tonight, some holiday party Niall invited them to, but Louis was feeling lazy and Harry couldn’t be bothered to put clothes on past the oversized jumper, pants, and woolen socks he’s been in all day.  Instead, they cooked a small meal - more like Harry cooked a small meal while Louis cracked open a bottle of wine - and settled into the living room with reality telly.

“Sometimes. If me mum was too busy or at work and that.” Louis responds, still stroking his hands through Harry’s curly hair. “Why?”

Harry flushes a little, wringing his hands in his lap as he thinks over how to ask. He’s only really done it once or twice, on his own of course, googling how-to articles and watching youtube tutorials but he just can’t seem to do it proper.

“Haz, what is it?”

Harry twists around to look at Louis, biting on his bottom lip as Louis’s hands fall from his hair and onto his waist. Louis is smiling at him, eyes bright and curious as he asks what’s wrong.

“Would you, maybe - _canyoubraidmyhair_?” He mumbles out, chin digging into his chest as he looks down between them and digs his fingers in the soft cotton of Louis’ singlet. Louis laughs and tips Harry’s face up so he can look at him, bright eyes sharp as he scans Harry’s face - for what, he doesn’t know - before leaning in and pressing a kiss to his lips.

“What’re you so shy about, H?” Louis murmurs against his mouth, hands running up Harry’s sides and making him lean closer.

Harry shrugs against him and kisses him again, bringing his hands up to cup Louis’ face and distract him just a little bit. It’s not that he thinks Louis will make fun of him, it’s more that he thinks he shouldn’t really want to have his hair braided. It’s too feminine, even for him. The headbands and long hair and ladies trousers are already a bit much and he wonders if maybe this is a line too far. So he kisses Louis harder and licks into his mouth, fingers brushing along his freshly-shaven jaw line.

Louis pulls away breathless, with insistent hands still pressing into Harry’s sides as he looks Harry in the eyes.

“H, if you want me to braid your hair, I’ll braid your hair.” He says, thumbs brushing along Harry’s ribs.

“Isn’t that - isn’t it weird though?” Harry asks, eyes downcast again and leaning into Louis’ chest. “Like, that I like all these girly things, don’t you find it weird?”

Louis pushes Harry back enough so that he can’t huddle in on himself like he wants to and can only stare back at Louis, green eyes wide and worried. The telly plays on behind him, the lights flashes against Louis’ skin and making his eyes stand out more. He wants to curl into his body, have Louis hold him and hush all these thoughts about his hair and that one tube of lipstick stuffed into the bottom of his sock drawer or that one time he may or may not have entertained the idea of wearing knickers.

They haven’t been doing this long, is the thing. Two months may be way too soon for your new boyfriend to find out about odd kinks and things. Isn’t it? They might share things about themselves - how both their dads left when they were small or how they’re both terrified for the future - but Harry thinks that maybe this is just too much. He remembers the look on Aiden’s face when he mentioned the nail polish and the jokes his other boyfriends used to make when he wore flowery shirts or a bit of lip gloss.

“Harry.” His voice is soft but there’s an edge to it that sets Harry’s nerves alight, he swallows harshly and waits for Louis to continue. “There is nothing, _absolutely nothing_ wrong with wanting your hair braided or anything else that makes you feel good.”

“But, like - ”

“Turn around.” Louis interrupts, the hands that were resting on his waist now pushing him to face the telly.

Louis doesn’t say anything as he runs his fingers through Harry’s hair again, parting it in sections before he starts to criss-cross and twist strands of hair into a french braid down the middle of Harry’s hair. He doesn’t move as Louis works, his hands moving deftly behind him and his breath along Harry’s neck. He feels like he’s said too much, asked for too much, and Louis’ just going along with it. It makes Harry want to kiss him and hide away all at the same time.

Louis taps Harry on the shoulder and gives the braid in his hands a tug. “H, gimme your hair tie, yeah?”

Harry quickly hands it over and bites his lip, turning his head a little to try and see Louis’ face. He prides himself on the fact that he’s one of the few who can really read Louis even when he’s being exceptionally obtuse. Now, though, he can’t even turn his head since Louis tugs on his braid when he tries.

Louis smooths a hand over Harry’s hair before firmly placing his hands on Harry’s shoulders. Harry doesn’t move, too scared to make the next move or ask if he’s messed up somehow, when Louis leans in and presses an open-mouth kiss to the curve of his neck. He kisses up Harry’s neck and Harry can feel his smile against his skin because he knows how much Harry loves this.

“Now before I turn you around and snog the face off of ya,” Louis says in his ear, making Harry shiver at the thought. “I want you to tell me why you were embarrassed to ask me about this.”

“Lou it’s nothing, I - ”

“Harry.”

It’s in the way he says his name and the soft pressure of his fingers on his shoulders and the warmth of his breath along his skin that has Harry slumping into Louis’ chest in defeat. This is it, the moment of truth. The moment where Harry tells Louis all the weird, embarrassing things he likes and wants to try and Louis scrunches his nose in disgust and backs out.

“Do you think my hair looks stupid?” Is what comes out instead, his voice a little shakier than he wanted it to be.

“No you look lovely, Harry.”

“You really think so?” Harry doesn’t mean for his voice to sound so small but he can’t help it. He’s not ready to tell Louis goodbye.

“Yeah, H.” He whispers, his hands sliding down Harry’s arms and grabbing his hands to intertwine their fingers and pull him back against him. Harry wants to cry when Louis leans his head forward and rests his chin on his shoulder, pressing a kiss to Harry’s cheek. “You look amazing, love.”

Harry’s quiet for a moment, taking it in, waiting for the punchline. Louis gives him a squeeze as if to say ‘go on’, and Harry takes a deep breath.

“I’ve always kind of liked these sorts of things, since I was a kid. The hair bands and nail varnish and even a bit of lipstick. But lads don’t like this sort of stuff do they? And I was already queer, why did I need to bring the rest into the mix?”

Louis kissed his neck at that, not speaking but letting Harry know he’s still there as he continues, his fingers digging into Louis’.

“Then when I started uni, I embraced it a bit.” Harry shrugged a little while in Louis’ grasp, not moving away though. “But then I started seeing this bloke and he didn’t like it so I stopped, first boyfriends, you know?”

“Just because one bloke didn’t like it, doesn’t mean you should be embarrassed by it, Harry.” He sounds sad and Harry doesn’t know how to fix it so he just keeps talking because Louis isn’t getting it, not really.

“It wasn’t just one though, was it?” Harry says, raising his voice but not letting go of Louis’ hands. His anger dissipates almost as quickly as it came and he pulls Louis forward so he can wrap his arms around Harry, a small piece of comfort as he hangs his head. “Every single boy I’ve been with has been practically _repulsed_ by it, telling me to stop and be a little less - ”

He cuts himself off, a dry sob in his throat that threatens to turn into tears and he feels Louis let go of his hands. Harry hopes he’s not pushing him away after all this and he scrunches his eyes shut in fear, even as he feels Louis turn him around to face him.

“Harry, open your eyes, love.”

Harry blinks his eyes open to see Louis looking at him, eyes sad even though there’s a hint of a smile on his lips. Louis brings his hands up, one cupping his cheek while the other strokes Harry’s newly braided hair. Harry stays impossibly still, his skin buzzing under Louis’ gaze a oh-so-soft touch.

“I think you’re gorgeous, Harry, lippy and all.” He tugs on the braid a little to get Harry to look at him and once he sums up the courage to make eye-contact with Louis, he can see the honesty in his face. He watches as Louis bites down on his lip for a moment before dropping the hand from his face and grasping onto Harry’s, a brightness to his eyes.

“I even think I love you, H.”

Harry inhales harshly, not believing he heard that correctly even though the look on Louis’ face tells him that he has. He doesn’t know what to say so he lurches forward and smashes his mouth to Louis’, a whimper slipping past his lips as he does. There’s a second where Louis doesn’t kiss him back and Harry panics, about to pull back when Louis slips his tongue into Harry’s mouth and moans into the kiss.

He pulls away briefly to look at Louis, sliding his arms over Louis’ shoulders to play with the hairs on the nape of his neck, and raises an eyebrow warily at the boy in front of him.

“Do you really mean it?” Harry asks, smiling widely at Louis as he nods emphatically with an identical grin on his face. “Warts and all?”

“I’d hardly call those black, lace knickers I saw in your wardrobe a wart, but yeah Curly, warts and all.” Louis pulls Harry closer until they’re flush against each other and he can’t help himself, leaning down to kiss Louis even as the blush threatens to set his skin on fire at the mention of the underwear.

“I seem to recall you mentioning wanting to ‘snog the face off me?’” Harry mumbles against Louis’ lips, the anxiety that had been building in his chest finally loosening into a centered calm as he kisses Louis.

“Nope.” Louis responds, tapping his hand against Harry’s hip as if to push him off. Harry panics, the tightness in his chest returning until Louis says, “Not until you go get that pink lippy in your bag.”

Harry grins wide and scrambles to get off of Louis’ lap, his legs a little shaky as he goes to move across the room. On his way into the hallway to put on said lipstick, Harry calls over his shoulder, “Later, we’re proper having a chat about your nosy nature.”

He hears Louis’ cackling all the way from the loo where he’s bent over the sink applying a soft shade of rose petal pink to his lips, a flush to his cheeks. Harry can hardly believe that this night even happened, can hardly come to terms with the fact that Louis knows one of the most intimate parts of him and not only did he say he liked it but also said he loved Harry. Louis loves him.

Fuck.

Harry darts out of the loo,  woolen socks sliding on the wooden floors as he does, and back into the living room where Louis is still sitting on the couch. His breath is coming out a little harsher than before from his tiny sprint and he walks slowly over to the couch to face Louis.

“I realized I didn’t say it back.” Harry starts, deep voice just a little bit breathless. “You said you love me and I didn’t say it back even after you said all those lovely things and you have to know, you _have to know_ , that the reason I was so so scared of telling you about all this is because - well, because I love you too.”

“Well, of course you do, H. Now c’mere and lemme snog that stuff off your mouth.” Louis responds, eyes bright and smile cheeky as he pulls Harry down onto his lap once more and smashes his lips onto Harry’s.

As Louis licks into his mouth with a groan, Harry forgets to be nervous about the future and how Louis will react to the other things he mentioned and wanted to try. Instead, he leans forward and puts all that he has into the kiss, feeling the freshly applied lipstick smearing over his mouth and loving it.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!!! Also, shameless link to my tumblr if ya wanna chat: vanessamary.tumblr.com


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